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Signs You Should Put Down That Beer And Call It a Night For Good

This is Some funny stuff i found while browsing the net
First off if your bedroom looks like this^^^^^^^^^^. You know there is a problem

Tequila not only has your number, you’re on top of its speed dial.
It takes only one person to convince you to go to party but at least four strong men to get you to leave.
Your last drink of today is your first drink of tomorrow.
When you look back on the beach that is your life and see only one set of footprints, you realize that that was when Bacchus was sleeping it off.
Apologizing for last night would be like Oswald offering to pay for Jackie’s dry cleaning.
Whenever someone tells you they don’t “appreciate” your drunken behavior you become very sad because you were really banking on that asshole’s appreciation.
You have to hold onto the lawn to keep from falling off the earth.
Job interferring with your drinking.
Your docter finds traces of blood in your alcohol stream.
Career won't progress beyond Senator from Massachusettes.
The back of your head keeps getting hit by the toilet seat.
Sincerely believe alcohol to be the elusive 5th food group.
24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case - coincidence?? - I think not!
Two hands and just one mouth... - now THAT'S a drinking problem!
When you can focus better with one eye closed.
The parking lot seems to have moved while you were in the bar.
Every woman you see has an exact twin.
You fall off the floor...
Your twin sons are named Barley and Hops.
Hey, 5 beers has just as many calories as a burger, screw dinner!
The glass keeps missing your mouth!
Bill Clinton starts to make sense.
Vampires catch a buzz after attacking you [also mosquitoes!]
At AA meeting you begin: "Hi, my name is... uh..."
Your idea of cutting back is less salt.
You wake up in the bedroom, your underwear is in the bathroom, you fell asleep clothed. - hmm.
Every night you're beginning to find your roomate's cat more and more attractive
You didn’t leave the party. The party left you.
You shout, “Turn up the goddamn jukebox!” in a department store.
Your idea of codependency is splitting the bar tab.
You open a friend’s refrigerator and are bewildered to find food where the beer should be.
You got laid off and had to live on nothing but food and water for a whole week.
A real woman could stop you from drinking. A real big woman.
You got held up by two guys last night. All the way home.
Winos have stopped asking you for change. They just nod and give you that weird half-smile.
Wild Turkey 101 neat tastes watered down.
The liquor store clerk looks in your cart and says, “Woo! That’s gonna be some party!” And you think, “Party?”
It doesn’t bother you when you wake up with an empty wallet because all those bartenders and waitresses probably deserve that money more than you do and HOLY SHIT HOW THE FUCK DID I SPEND SO MUCH FUCKING MONEY?
Your hangover has a hangover.
Your binge drinking gets in the way of your benders.
There’s a garbage can in your living room.
You think it’s perfectly reasonable to waive the “a gentlemen never drinks before noon” rule so long as the gentleman in question is still up from the night before.
You sometimes like to start the morning with a hearty, “Who the fuck are you?”
You have no memory of ever eating a 7-Eleven jalapeno dog and you’ve eaten about 50.
You sometimes misplace yourself.
You know that black carbon smoke from a forgotten pot of Top Ramen makes for an excellent alarm clock.
You think the world revolves around you, especially when you lie down.
Hi ocifer. I'm not under the affluence of incohol.
I'm not drunk... you're just sober... - HI OCIFER!!!!!!
Roseanne looks good.
That damned pink elephant followed me home again.
Senators Kennedy and Packwood shake their heads when they walk past you.
You've fallen and you can't get up.
BeerTender! Get me another Bar!
The shrubbery's drunk too, from frequent watering.
Your name is Ted Kennedy.
Foster Brooks appears sober to you.


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